1. When I was 17, I got busted fucking my boyfriend at his house. By his wife. She was supposed to be out of town that week, so it was technically her fault for coming home early.
2. My mom caught me sneaking some of her Crown Royal when I was 12. Not my fault. If the liquor cabinet had been locked, I wouldn't have had access.
3. Dad figured out I had taken his Ferrari for a joyride when I was 15. No one to blame that on but me. I just wanted to see what the big deal was.
4. When I was 9, my little sister Sadie found out I was the one who broke her favorite unicorn figurine. It was a total accident and I told the twerp I'd replace it if she didn't rat me out to Mom and Dad. She did anyway, so I broke the rest of them. I figured if I was gonna go down for one, I might as well go for broke. That was all on me.
5. Another boyfriend and I got caught by a cop doing it in a public restroom. That was totally his fault because he picked the place. I said we should have done it in the car.
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